This is part 10 of the 11 part series on the writer's journey back to Judaism. For the other parts, read this.
The grand search had begun! My husband and I were on a Torah journey of discovery. Who truly was the real Messiah? We read books that compared the Torah verses and the NT. Did they really agree as we had been taught and taught others?
We had many obstacles to leaving the faith. We had been taught, unlike others in mainstream Christianity, that “Yeshua,” and yes even Paul the “apostle,” wanted us to follow Torah and its commandments. Many argued that Jews should come back to Torah and leave Christianity. What was difficult for us to grapple with, was that we thought we had been following Torah in our Messianic world. The lines were blurred and our path out seemed more confusing than ever!
I watched every video that “Jews For Judaism” had on YouTube. Going back to the 70s and 80s I watched testimonials, and talk shows with opposing views, one for the messianic path, the other for Judaism. I LOVED watching videos of Jews who had come back to Judaism. It gave me the courage to keep up my pursuit. Before we told the kids, we wanted to be more sure.
There was the real feeling of the risk of hell. Rejecting “Jesus, Yeshua,” for a Jew, especially after becoming a believer, seemed to ask for extra punishment in the afterlife. What if we were wrong? It was an exciting, yet scary place to be. We decided to bring the kids into our search one by one. We would search for a family.
I remember keenly hearing a rabbi speak, in one of those old 70’s videos on YouTube. He was in the audience on the side of Judaism. What he said pierced my heart. He said, in so many words, that if there was a Jewish person watching this show, they were to know that if they were searching for spirituality, they could find in right in Judaism.
I was always searching for spirituality and meaning, and to know, that I could find it right at home, was groundbreaking for me. Thank you, rabbi, wherever you are!
Lastly, there was one book that clinched it for me, it was Anti-Judaism in the New Testament by Gerald Sigal. It is hard for people outside the messianic world to understand that many of us caught up in it were very sincere, and even very proud Jews.
Gerald Sigal brought out to me that certain text in the NT is very anti-Jewish. I had always seen it as a very pro-Jewish book that had been either mistranslated or very misunderstood. Familiar verses I had read before, that I had redefined in my own mind, were not what I had imagined. Now with eyes wide open, the pages stood before me awaiting my full attention. I had to face them. I had to face the truth. I had to make a decision, I didn’t want to make.
Ultimately, if Yeshua was my Messiah, I realized, he would have been good for my people. Instead, his ministry sadly brought in the darkest days of Jewish history ever. The fruit created, was not nourishing fruit, especially for the chosen people.
The Real Moshiach of my people will bring peace and Torah learning! The Jews will love Hashem all the more! I look forward to meeting my Moshiach very soon!
My husband and family through study all came to the same conclusion, we wanted to follow Hashem alone! Now, where should we go?
To Be Continued . . .
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